天灰

原来我没有想象中坚强。一天里尝尽了人生中的甜酸苦辣,我还好吗?真的不知道。笑不代表我很开心,笑可以只是表面上的掩饰,掩饰其实我很介意,掩饰其实我不能接受这一切。今天才知道,一个人如果伤心到极点,她是一滴眼泪都没有办法掉的,只有在心里的心酸。真的觉得自己是一个烂透了的人,如果时间倒退,可能我就不会告诉你我喜欢他,那我自己就不会那么难堪。你知道了之后,到底是什么样的感觉?我真的烂透了,对吧?给我一点时间原谅自己那么笨。花了我最后一丝力量了,告诉你们对方的心意,弥补我自己的过错,所以才没有力量再面对你们。当你问我,真的有那么喜欢吗?我问自己相同的问题,答案是,我不知道。 你说我算好了,因为我是第一个知道这一切的人。你们不知道!就因为我是第一个,所以才无助,所以才没有办法让我自己冷静。大声的说出喜欢你,是为了不要让她一个人背负这一切,不想让她为难,想让她做出最理智的选择,不受影响的选择。 在这里对今天跟这件事有关的人道歉,因为今天我任性了。要你们忍受我的任性,真的很抱歉。被骂了,才发现真的如他所说,我很任性,很幼稚。对不起。不知道你们会不会看到。 加油!!明天又是新一天!

used to

having quite a new life here. trying to control every single time i see you and try to control not to look at you. but i am too used to it i guess this will a long time for me to achieve my goal. life without you is not quite finally, even though things don turn out quite right in my life for now but i am trying to solve my own problem without involving you into my problem. you are having your own life and i know i have to find my own too. things in life don turn out right but i'll try my best to do it as right as i can. akthough i feel that i am a failure but i'll still try cuz you told me once i can do anything that i think i can and i have faith in that. i may not be the best but i will try my best to make you proud so that you can let go and go on with your life without me.

i am quite dissapointed in you this year. you didn't act like you should be. maybe it's my fault i apologise for anything i did wrong. it's just many things come out from no where and every new thing come with a problem. i am not a good problem solver. so i am very sorry if i ever offended you this few weeks.

life will just be okay without you i will get used to it.

Today

很累很累了，所有事情好像一起冲过来，我就连喘气的时间也没有。今天我终于明白有些事情不知道比知道更好。偏偏今天，你不在我身边，偏偏今天，难过的事情接二连三，偏偏今天，我没有地方可以诉苦，偏偏今天，我不能找你。只因为，你去旅行，而我不想影响你旅行的心情，所以没有找你。我今天也真的发现，没有你我真的很孤单，你不在，我就没有办法大笑大哭，也没有办法很累也装得很精神，今天，我就一直趴在桌子上装睡，因为没有人在我身边，我不想看起来那么孤单。也在今天，从FZ节就一直装到放学，一回到家，眼泪就不争气的一直掉，就连现在也是。我真的要承认我是爱哭鬼。

今天也是sylvia在学校的最后一天，我跟她拥抱时，她真的抱得很紧，我也终于明白你昨天流泪的原因，因为我也有眼泪在眼里打转了。如果能让我选择，我真的不希望身边任何一个人离开。就像你昨天说的，就算她跟我们不是很熟，但是她真的很重要，一直以来，她不知不觉中重要了。所以会舍不得，所以会掉泪。

两棵树也有分种类吧！同样的树才能各自成长、各需要空间，但还是能够在同一个地方生活，不同的树，需要不同的东西，而我跟他就是两个完全不同的树。不同世界、不同地方，永远也不能在同一块地上成长。

tired

you was not there when i needed you. so is this proving that giving up on you is the right thing to do? it is so difficult to give up. i was like moody and blur this few days. i am having headache and i am crying over you every time i think bout you. but now life is so difficult for me. i get into fights with almost everyone i know.

i was like holding on my temper on you, you always walk away from me these few days. i know you're busy but i just need you to be with me at this time when i don have him with me. you just didn't notice it and always walking away from me.
it is now a fake smile on my shit face.

sorry to a friend that i fought with you twice i didn't meant to fight. it us just i am in a very tension mood. really very sorry.

and sorry i am letting you down. i not strong enough so i am doubting myself now. although you told me not to. but i just tend to. everything other ppl said making me doubt myself. i lack of confident and there's nobody there for me. i just hv no one to cry on. no one to talk to. no one to look for. there's is no one. i can't even rely on myself. it's just pain. and hiding and crying.

i am sick of these kind of life i am living,smiling although i don want to talking even i don want to. doing everything i don want don like!!

Giving up

when i fall for you, i was thinking oh my goodness how can i fall for you? but that issue didn't bother too long, i just felt that it's fine, i'll just keep it as a secret from you. but slowly i started asking for more, you're treating me the same way as you are but i just felt like you're not treating me good enough. getting jealous, envy the people who can fool around with you. everything is making me crazy. wanted to make you study, at least have a target you have none. finding we came from both totally different world and belongs to it makes me frustated for a long term of time but when make things up in my mind i made my decision giving up on you is the best choice. it is not that between the both of us there's no chance it is just me. i can't accept it, when i think if we may fight over small things next time, it is better for me to get things cleared up. i just hope to maintain as friends with you, that's all for now. everyone is having their problems. some people share it with their friends some people hide it some people...ignore their problem. i am now facing one of my problem it is not the bigges but is the most complicated one. i cry over a song when i listen to the lyrics bcuz of you. the singer wasn't good but the song is good, the lyrics are good, i cry for an hour bcuz of the song and you. i admire my idol like i admire you but i didn't cry over an issue of them even i am dissapointed but i didn't cry. i cried over you!!! how amusing~

他可以取代你吗？18/8

今天，经过一番挣扎后，我发现，我好像喜欢上他了。可是我不知道，不知道，我喜欢的是他还是你？他，是你的替代品吗？而且，我也不知道，他喜欢我吗？喜欢他，就好像把自己关起来一样，因为，我不会有那么一天去问他，因为，我不想面对现实。如果我就像现在一样，可以很快地喜欢上另一个人，可能我会喜欢上别人了呢。这一切都说不定，现在的我，只知道，我喜欢他。可是，我不会去告诉他。绝对不会，因此，我可以静静的喜欢一个人。想一想自己要的到底是什么。我的情绪，会被他牵动，有时候，我的话题会围着他转，这就是喜欢。这样的我，至少是幸福的，而，至少，现在我还不想毁掉这样的幸福。

又是你-17/8

放弃对你来说难道就很简单吗？那我呢？我对你来说已经不重要了吗？你有没有想过我？放弃你对我来说很苦，真的很苦。那一种苦是没有字可以形容的。明明就还没有原谅你，明明就还没有放下你。可是为什么我会被她的一举一动给影响？我不想这么快就放弃，我不想再还没有努力过就放弃。这样对我很不公平，你一声不响的就走了，留下我一个人。我不要你以为可以随便把我推给别人。我很不爽，为什么你可以就这样丢下我不管？你的诺言、承诺都不必守了吗? 现在的你，没有什么信用可言，所以我不会再相信你。你一点都不可怜，可怜的是我，没有人要的我！我还能怎么样？